so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
