I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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