he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
