u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
