Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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