apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
