If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
