you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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