we have pet lesbian snakes
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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