"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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