I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
