Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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