So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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