My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
In America we eat man semen.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
