what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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