My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize