my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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