I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
