FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All the doctor said was why
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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