Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
