Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
