dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
