your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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