Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
