HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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