R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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