Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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