If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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