Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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