Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
