he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
