I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
