A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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