Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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