I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I AM VODKA MAN
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
