I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
