the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
