After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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