So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize