I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
