apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
