Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
