Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
