Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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