Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
