one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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