Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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