break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
