she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
