So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
