idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
