so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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