It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
