Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just pee around me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
