Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
