I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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