There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize