no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
