Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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