FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
