Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i think i have two assholes
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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