I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
