here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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