worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
