two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
