idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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