just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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